Desaparecer

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Not sure how many weeks clean I was but I lost it and I’d love to say I regret it but I just feel defeated

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I should eat but im gonna have to eat bbq food later and look happy about it so might just do what I did on Saturday idk idk

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I feel like deleting this blog and never talking about anything but happy stuff ever again so no one has to put up with my pathetic whining because I can never explain things right and I always back out at the last minute so I just sound like a needy attention seeking brat ugh fuck what is wrong with me I need to learn when to stfu and just smile

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I have no motivation to do this essay and im too busy worrying about tomorrow to concentrate on anything

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I managed like almost a whole day of positive vibes but now badness is coming back damnit I need to do stuff brain stahp